I am a woman on a mission, my mission is to graduate from my PhD within the designated time limit. Then find a good job in the very complex world of academia (I discovered I really like teaching, maybe more than researching, I still need to figure this out).
Until I achieve my goals I still need to live, to find normality where apparently there's no such thing.
The craziest thing I have ever done was not bungee-jumping (I was the third woman in my country to jump when the bungee crane was brought in), was not riding some scary roller-coasters. It was moving to Manchester, on my own, without knowing virtually anybody in the city. Whenever I have "stage fright" I remind myself that I am the one who chose this, who imposed this wish on her family, and I should do anything in my power to fulfil my dream.
Although I have found new friends, let us be honest, they are still acquaintances at this point. Friends stand the test of time - so, there is still plenty of time to test these new faces.
I do not have time to get bored, but I have time to get very lonely. I still make plenty of mistakes and go against my better judgement - it means I am still young. Sometimes when I feel like going out oooops!, there's nobody to go out with.
I learned to queue, to swear in a very diplomatic way, to drink larger amounts of beer than the doctor recommended, to stand for myself (some people would say that I knew this before; now I really have to, because I am on my own), to meet new people (while in other times I was so scared to walk out of the house on the streets). I have been told that I am probably one of the most un-shy persons in the world (you don't say! noooooo, you really don't say! I am really shy, but people like me wear a shield. mine is being pushy and presenting myself with a lot of... nerve, and smiling too much). If I was to graduate from a "let's see how many men are running after you" PhD I would have been top of my class (if I only knew this when I was 17 and crying my heart out that all my friends had boyfriends and I didn't, I would have saved a lot of tears).
But... there is always a "but"... I am still "the blonde one out" - I still need to be accepted with my weird and blunt style, I need for people to see that I am not such a tough cookie and I do need support, I need to fit in a society which usually rejects people coming from my country (I do advertise for Romania!!! if you would only know me, I bet you would all want to visit my country), I have to ultimately survive.
The second "but" is: but, I am blonde, which means I am almost... perfect :) (which suddenly makes it a little bit better)
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well if you recall some people did try to support you, and you rejected them.
as you said in your previous rant, your primary objective is to be the centre of attention in your small and ultimately insignificant universe, so carry on as you are, so in that sense you have achieved a great success. very well done.
Dear Anonymous commenter, I believe somehow you know me. It would be wonderful to reveal yourself at some point, as you are a bit out of line right now.
And I feel frustration in your comment as well.
"Rant" may be, but this is my blog, not yourse, and you may as well choose not to read.
This one is a positive post, not a procrastinating one. I am not complaining, and yes, we all are the centre of our universes. I wonder how insignificant yourse is... but then again, I don't care, do I?
Better yet, if it is you, Andrew, remember that I did complain about you, and if you continue to harass me, I will go to the Police :) It is a promise.
The difference between you and I my dear is that I don't see my universe as important in the grand scheme of things at all, whereas you feel the need to spout off about the primacy of yours publicly.
Frustration? perhaps - because I know you are a very intelligent and capable person, who unfortunately possesses a strong selfish streak.
And maybe I am a bit out of line, for that I apologise, but I'm just passing on some advice on a blog, which at last glance was free for anyone to comment on. And yes we do know each other - which is actually why I wish you very well.
and no its not andrew, whoever that is, sorry to disappoint.
Then what do you suggest, since you wish me well?
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